Thursday, December 1, 2011
Did you ever sit down and think
about your job description as a parent or guardian? If not, read this and see if it fits your job duties:
10:50 am est
Position Available For a Mom, Mommy, Mama, MaDad, Daddy, Dada, Pa
team players needed for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment.Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills
and be willing to work varied hours, which will include evenings, weekends, and frequent 24-hour shifts.Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping
sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed.Extensive courier duties also required.
Responsibilities:For the rest of your life: Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair,
mysteriously sluggish toilets, and stuck zippers.Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars,
in three seconds flat in case, this time,
screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
and coordinate production of multiple
homework projects.Must have ability to plan and organize social
gatherings for clients of all ages.Must
be willing to be indispensable one minute and embarrassed the next.Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half-million cheap, plastic toys and
always hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst.Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial
work throughout the facility.
Possibility for Advancement & Promotion:None.Your job is to remain in the same position
for years, without complaining, constantly retaining and updating your skills so that those in your charge can ultimately
Previous Experience:None required, unfortunately.On-the-job training offered on a continually
Wages and Compensation:Get this! You pay them,
offering frequent raises and bonuses!A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially
independent.When you die, you
give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is you actually enjoy it and wish you could
only do more.
Benefits:Does not include the following benefits: health
or dental insurance, pension, tuition reimbursement, paid holidays, or stock options.Does include: limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional
love, and free hugs and kisses for life, if you play your
cards right.If you are fortunate enough, you will become
a grandparent and can then work
an entire new